Universal Collision  Chapter 1
by KazooieBanjo
Summary: Out hero Speedy Alka-Seltzer finds himself without a job and a family to support, so he applies for a job at Super Mario Bros. Plumbing.


Author's Note:

This is my first ever fanfiction so please go easy on me.

Chapter 1 – Before the Storm Drain

Speedy Johannesburg Alka-Seltzer lived a carefree life in the Mushroom Kingdom. He didn't have much to deal with save for the occasional Goomba herd. One day, after kissing his wife Cloud Strife goodbye, he went off to find a job to support his son, famous samurai Mitsurugi.

He had scheduled a job interview the previous day with the local plumbing company, Super Mario Bros. Plumbing. He was excited but nervous to meet the famous Super Mario.

Speedy went into the plumbing office dressed in a suit coat and tie and sat down in the lobby. The well-endowed secretary Sora informed Speedy that Mario was busy with another applicant by the name of Donkey Kong. Her flirtatious tone suggested that it might be a while before her boss finished the interview.

Speedy looked around the sofa in the waiting room for a magazine to occupy his time. He found the latest issue of Highlights for Kids, with a rather suggestive image of Morrigan Aensland on the cover.

He read the magazine for a couple minutes, blushing at the seductive centerfold of Morrigan, when Donkey Kong burst out of Mario's office and into the lobby, crying. It was obvious to both Speedy and Sora that the interview did not go well. Speedy immediately felt a sinking feeling in his gut. If Mario could make an enormous gorilla run out of his office crying, it didn't look good for a nervous wreck like him.

Sora turned to Speedy and told him, "I suppose it's your turn to see Mario." Speedy went into the bathroom to prepare for his interview. He grabbed a small paper cup off the wall, and removed two Alka-Seltzer tablets from his suit coat and dropped them into the cup. He brought the cup under the faucet and filled it with water, downing the fizzing concoction immediately. He grabbed a paper towel, wiped his forehead, and exited the bathroom, saying to himself, "This is as prepared as you're ever going to get, might as well get it over with".

Speedy entered the office and saw Mario. He was wearing an expensive business suit and smoking a fancy cigar. Mario looked up at Speedy and stood up. He extended his hand, and Speedy, remembering that his son Mitsurugi and his wife Cloud Strife were depending on him to get a job, met Mario's hand with great enthusiasm and shook his hand with a firm grip.

"Hello Mr. Segali, I understand you're looking for someone to hire on as an apprentice," said Speedy, hoping to get the interview rolling. "That's right. Who might you be?" asked Mario, admiring Speedy's motivation. "Speedy Johannesburg Alka-Seltzer." Speedy replied. "I see. You emailed me a copy of your resume. I understand you previously worked at a factory in the Mushroom Kingdom for 3 years. Why did you leave?" asked Mario.

Speedy hadn't forgotten why he left, but hesitated for a moment. He eventually responded, "There was an incident at the factory which resulted in it shutting down. I have been looking for a job ever since, and when I saw your ad in the newspaper, given your reputation, I immediately sent off an email to your business with my resume."

"What happened at the factory?" asked Mario. "Well I used to work at the Mushroom Mixer factory, when an employee working on the instruction manual for the latest blender we were developing accidentally uploaded a pornographic image saved to his hard drive on to the file server and the image was used in the instruction manual. It wasn't until a large number of units were already shipped that we figured out what had happened. There was a massive backlash and the factory had to shut down. My employment was terminated."

Mario felt sorry for Speedy. He told Speedy, "I read about that in the Mushroom Kingdom Times. I had a cousin who worked in the blender factory when this happened. It ruined his whole life, but when I offered him a job here, he refused. It takes a lot of guts to try to get back on your feet after something that big knocks you down." "I got a family to support, Mr. Segali. I don't have it in me to quit." Speedy replied.

"Tell you what Speedy, I'll hire you on as an intern for one week, and if you don't royally screw up, you got the job." Speedy agreed to the terms. He was excited about the chance to work with the famous Mario.


End file.
